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Hello, hello, hello. It’s taken me a while to sit down and write this week’s as the slate of games stink like your leftover Thanksgiving turkeys.
But do my picks? Let’s take a look at last week.
Porter vs The World – 84-71 (10-6 last week, 5 correct margins)
I picked 16 games last week for the first time ever, having taken the Thanksgiving games into account. If I’d remembered the Black Friday game, I’d have got to 17, and would notch up another one for the win column. Alas, it was still a pretty good week all told, the main things costing me being Pittsburgh, Seattle and Kansas City all losing close ones, and Washington shitting their pants and simultaneously falling down the stairs on the Sunday. On Thanksgiving itself I went a disappointing 1-2, with my lack of faith in my own team and Detroit being Detroit costing me some needed points. Still, I’m pretty comfortably over .500 for the year (currently sitting at .541), and hopefully we can keep that momentum rolling this week. So, what’s on the docket?
New Orleans (5-5) at Atlanta (4-6)
There’s a lot of tough games to pick this week, largely because a lot feature mediocre-to-poor teams playing against each other. This is one such game, where an odd New Orleans outfit take on an Atlanta outfit that’s largely stopped playing for their coach, which is more than fair enough, as watching him with weapons brings to mind Harry Dunne.
New Orleans, one score.
Pittsburgh (6-4) at Cincinnati (5-5)
I’m tired of talking about this terrible Pittsburgh team. They’ve fired Matt Canada and will no doubt find a way to win this game to annoy me, especially as they’re facing a team with Scott Hattieberg at QB. I feel for Cincinnati, but the season’s over.
Pittsburgh, one score.
Carolina (1-9) at Tennessee (3-7)
Get ready, Carolina fans, ’cause I’m picking you this week! There’s not really rhyme, logic or stats behind this, I just think Tennessee are awful and if they’re going to drop a game inexplicably, I feel like this might be it. Carolina are strange, as despite picking a QB 1st overall, hiring an offensive-minded head coach, and acquiring offensive weapons, it’s their defense keeping scores down and keeping them in games. Hopefully Bryce Young does well enough here to guide them past a pretty horrible Titans team.
Carolina, one score.
Tampa Bay (4-6) at Indianapolis (5-5)
Similar to the New Orleans/Atlanta game, it’s which mediocre team to give a W to here. Having watched both relatively closely, I’m gonna take Tampa, as despite their record,I think there’s a little more upside to them as a team as a whole. Indy, to me, are just playing out the string without Anthony Richardson, aka the only entertaining thing about watching them.
Tampa Bay, one score.
New England (2-8) at NY Giants (3-8)
This may be the worst game of the entire season.
There’s marginally more hope in the Giants, so I’ll take them, but oh boy is that damning with faint praise.
Giants, one score.
Jacksonville (7-3) at Houston (6-4)
Now this is a game. Two entertaining sides with great offenses in a huge divisional matchup. Exactly what this awful slate of games needed, like the adrenaline shot to a heroined up Mia Wallace in Pulp Fiction. Picking a winner isn’t easy, but I’ll go with my gut and pick the team I like more in terms of coaching and close situations, which is this surprising and very fun Houston team. It’s going to be a very entertaining end to the year in that division.
Houston, one score.
Cleveland (7-3) at Denver (5-5)
This isn’t bad either. Denver rising up like their famous animated fan Randy Marsh:
Facing off against a Cleveland team that proves to their own front office that spending millions of guaranteed money on a sex offender wasn’t necessary to make them a contender. Another tough one to pick a winner, but I like this surging Denver side, even if I hate that Russell Wilson is suddenly good again. Home field breaks ties.
Denver, one score.
LA Rams (4-6) at Arizona (2-9)
This one’s not easy, if only because Arizona have been good at hanging around in games, and the Rams seem to like to follow up a good game with a disappointment. The Rams are better, and should win and keep alive a slightly-desperate playoff bid, but I’d expect a close one.
Rams, one score.
Kansas City (7-3) at Las Vegas (5-6)
I wouldn’t have even given this the courtesy of a few lines when McDaniels was still in town, but the Antonio Pierce led Raiders are a different proposition, winning games they should win and keeping close the ones they’d be expected to lose. Sadly for them, I think they keep this pattern alive, as KC have a close loss to avenge, and have proven to be their best this year when facing adversity. A close win for a Chiefs team that isn’t blowing anyone away, but will hang around in January.
Kansas City, one score.
Buffalo (6-5) at Philadelphia (9-1)
Even though Buffalo did rediscover the elixir of offense last week, they unfortunately don’t get to play the Jets every week, and against a Philly side who keep grinding out the wins like some tremendously-irritating, cheesesteak-fueled buzzsaw, I can’t really back them. Close, as every game has been so far (I haven’t picked a blowout yet), but Philadelphia take a 10-1 record into next week’s titanic clash with the Niners. Hide your elbow joints, the Eagles are coming.
Philadelphia, one score.
Baltimore (8-3) at LA Chargers (4-6)
I can finally pick a blowout, because that Chargers defense is awful, and no amount of Brandon Staley’s Kevin Keegan impressions will change that. The only thing that would give me pause is the Ravens habit of randomly choking away winnable games, but I’ll stick with my gut here and say an easy Baltimore processional win.
Baltimore, two scores plus.
Chicago (3-8) at Minnesota (6-5)
I really like Josh Dobbs and Minnesota, and at home, I’d back them to do their job against the Bears. I’m not sure what the Bears are, besides slated to pick high twice in next year’s draft, but they seem to be simultaneously not as bad as and worse than their actual record. I’m shocked this is on MNF, but I reckon the Vikes keep it rolling and some omnious music starts playing in Detroit. Surely not….?
Vikings, one score.
Enjoy the week! I’ll be glued to Houston/Jax most likely, and praying my upset picks come in. Do you want to tell me I’m a genius, idiot, or somewhere in between? Comment, tweet or email me.
xx